


time

by shicchaan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Drama, Drama, Drama & Romance, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:01:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24538903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shicchaan/pseuds/shicchaan
Summary: "Why would i go with him? Who is he anyway?"
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Sawamura Daichi, Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 67
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

"Why would i go with him? Who is he anyway?"

A silence occupied the whole room, they all look at Oikawa who just talked. His expression has a mix of confusion and irritation as he fix his things in his bag. Oikawa knows that the three people that is occupying in his room is staring at him, both in shock and hurt in their faces.

"I told you, he's suga-" Iwaizumi's sentence was cut with Oikawa's glare, "I know who he is. My point is, I don't know what he is to me. All i know is he is Daichi's bestfriend so why would i go with a stranger and sleep there?"

Seeing that the situation is completely hopeless, iwaizumi turn to sugawara who's completely frozen on his feet, staring at his lover, eyes filled with hurt but once he noticed Iwaizumi's look on him. He smiled.

"It's okay, Iwa." Daichi wraps his arms around his bestfriend, he felt suga's shoulder shake, but he still looking at iwaizumi with a smile, "Just take care of him. He's right. I wouldn't want to stay with a stranger if i am in his place"

Sugawara is surprised on how his voice doesn't shake as he talk, "Suga-" He turns to Daichi this time, eyes filled with tears. "Daichi. Please?" With a sigh, Daichi nodded and Sugawara pulls his phone, checking the time and he turns to Oikawa this time, looking completely bothered and annoyed with the drama that is happening around him.

"I'll go now, i have to meet a friend. I'm sorry if i cannot accompany you to iwa's home." The excuse is too obvious. He knows but he needed to go out from this room especially now that his lover can't look at him straight in the eye. That Oikawa doesn't even look at him, he just mumbled a soft, "it's fine" Sugawara nodded. He felt Daichi's arm around him tightened. He felt the urge to hate daichi's comfortable arm around him this time. It makes him want to bawl his eyes in front of the man he loves but then, he gulps before talking once again.

"I'll visit you sometimes. Take care, _Oikawa-san_ " with that, he proceeded to give his farewell to the couple who accompanied him there and walks away from the room, surprisingly his legs are still strong enough to walk to the nearest restroom and there, he pour his tears out, he didn't forbid the sobs to come out from his mouth. He let it all out, the emotions that he tries to conceal, he let it all out.

Back in the room, Oikawa looks at the couple who's still staring at the door as if they both want to follow the silver haired outside. _What's with that sugawara? the two is too focus on him._ With an irritation, he let out a soft _tsk_. "Are we going or not?" He asked the two who just came from their senses. Iwaizumi frowns at him. "Let's go."

Oikawa stands up, taking his belongings from the bed and stares at the ring on the side table together with his broken phone. He takes it and looks the ring on his palm, the urge to wear it is too strong so he slides it on his finger, a smile crept from his face, feeling the sense of comfort that the ring is wrapped perfectly around his finger but confusion immediately wiped the happiness that he felt. What's _with this ring and why i feel so happy about it?_ He asked to himself as he takes the broken phone from the table, asking his bestfriend and his lover to go out from the room.

The ride from home is extremely exhausting for sugawara. Even though he already poured out the tears in the hospital's restroom a while ago, it seems like his eyes are still not tired from crying. Another set of tears blurred his eyesight. He sobbed quietly in the side on the bus that he is riding at the moment. He doesn't care if the passengers are staring at him. He just need to pour it all out.

It's his fault anyway. The whole situation is his fault. He shouldn't asked Oikawa to buy the things that he needed to buy. He blames his body that has been too exhausted to buy his medications. He blames his weak self. He blames his self.

This is all his fault. He shouldn't cry because this is all his fault anyway.

Iwaizumi opens the door for them. "Feel at home." He mumbles as he takes off his shoes. He follows his bestfriend and looks around the house. It feels nostalgic. The familiarity flooded in his veins. He has been there, he knows. It's his bestfriend's house anyway.

_("Iwaizumi and Daichi is so great right? Look at the colors of their living room. It's so homey. It feels so comfortable." A chuckle came out from Tooru's mouth._

_"Don't worry, our home will be too homey and comfortable than theirs so you wouldn't want to leave."_

_"I would never leave you though. Even the house is too small for the both of us. As long as i am with you, everything will be fine.")_

"Tooru. Oikawa. Shittykawa. Hey" he blinks, he looks at his bestfriend, iwaizumi is looking at him with an anxious expression from his face. "Are you okay?" Daichi beside him asked and Tooru nodded with a shy grin, hands moves from the back of his neck, rubbing it as he says, "maybe i really like your house. It looks awesome! Can't help to stare at it" Iwaizumi lets out a shaky sigh. "I thought something happened." Iwaizumi holds his shoulders, staring right in his eyes. "If you remember something or anything or if you want to ask. You can tell me. Okay?" Oikawa nodded. "Yes yes. I will"

However, the voice in his head feels so familiar. It seems like he heard it somewhere. He doesn't know if it's the familiarity of the voice is the one he is hearing or that he already heard the beautiful voice from his time. One question keep bugging his mind. _Who_ _are you?_

Sugawara lays down on his bed, hugging the pillow beside him. _His scent. It's fading._ Tears are pooling in his eyes once again. He's crying again. He knows. His eyes hurts too much for crying for the past hours- no. He's been crying eversince that he received the call from the hospital.

_"H-hello?" He answers the call with a shaky voice. It's been hours since Tooru came out from the house. He is getting worried and now, He received an unknown number._

_"You're_ _Oikawa_ _Tooru's_ _emerg_ _ency_ _conta_ _ct_ _so_ _we_ _called_ _you_ _._ _Please_ _come_ _to_ _the_ _hospi_ _tal_ _imme_ _diately,_ _he_ _is_ _in_ _the_ _emergen_ _cy_ _room right now-"_

_Before Koushi can even hear the whole statement of the person from the other line, his shaky voice cut them off, asking "W-what hospital? Where?"_

Eversince that day Oikawa was admitted in the hospital, he's always there. Crying in regret and falling asleep while holding Tooru's pale hand afterwards. He is there. Every moment. He's there.

He's there when Tooru opens his eyes. He's the one who called the doctor when he saw Tooru seating on the bed when he came back from the restroom. He's outside the room as the doctor examines Tooru. He's the first one who know that Tooru became amnesiac after the accident.

But he's too afraid to face Tooru. To look at Tooru's eyes. To see those orbs look at him as if that's the first time he saw Koushi.

_He's afraid_

If it's not because of their bestfriends, if it's not because of iwaizumi and Daichi, Tooru wouldn't have to see his face in a while.

It still hurts. The look from his face as he said that his lover, his Koushi is a stranger, that he doesn't want to go with him hurts sugawara a lot.

Like every other night, Sugawara spent his night crying and falling asleep with a swelling eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

By the time that he wakes up, the sun is already shining blindly. He groans softly because of the heaviness of his head due to the nonstop crying that he did yesterday. He tightened his arms around the pillow- _Oikawa's former pillow_ \- and buries his face on it. He sighs with a heavy heart as he inhales his lover's fading scent in the pillow.

I miss him. _I miss him a lot._

He takes a deep breath again, tears are flowing like a river again. _When i will be get tired of crying?_ He asks himself and he chuckled bitterly. _Never, maybe?_ The pillow is already getting wet from the new set of tears that has been flowing out from his swollen eyes.

He had been like that for minutes already. He doesn't have an energy to get up since he can feel that exhaustion in his body but then a doorbell rings, making him force to stand up from his- _their_ comfortable bed.

He wipes his eyes, taking a deep breath at the dresser's mirror when he stands up. His body is too heavy today, he notes but he drags his tired and exhausted body to open the door, not even looking who's in the other side.

"You look like a shit, suga." What's that Daichi's said as a greeting. Sugawara just glares at him, opening the door widely for the other man. "I bought some spicy mapo tofu since i know you haven't eaten yet." He said as he placed his shoes in the genkan properly, walking inside the house and looks around.

It looks like usual, Daichi noticed. But the dust from the unused furnitures are evident. It's understandable since Sugawara has been spending his time in the hospital, looking out for Oikawa from the distance.

He walks towards the kitchen, putting the plastic bag on the table. He hears the water running from the bathroom near the kitchen. Sugawara is washing up, maybe.

Despite of looking like usual. There is something that Daichi cannot ignore. It's the house's atmosphere. Before, when he visit the two, the atmosphere is always warm. Relaxing. Something that is welcoming for everyone even someone that is a visitor from the place like him.

But now? _It's too quiet._ Too quiet for a place of a chaotic couple who loves to laugh and play around. Too quiet to be the home of Sugawara Koushi and Oikawa Tooru.

It's also _cold_ and _dark_. The curtains are closed and the lights are out. The place look too empty despite of the furniture that is occupying the place.

After Daichi prepared the food on the table. He walks towards the living room, tying up the curtains to let the light coming from the sun to illuminate the dark living room and with that he saw Koushi walking out from the bathroom, nothing new. Just a set of swollen eyes is the only thing that Daichi can see.

"Suga. Let's eat."

Sugawara nods at him quietly, pulling a seat for himself, waiting for Daichi to occupy the seat in front of him. Daichi walks towards the table, seating in front of Sugawara and taking the chopsticks. A soft "Thanks for the meal" can be heard before the two started eating.

It has been a while since the last time Sugawara eat from his own house. Memories of Tooru around the house is something that Sugawara doesn't want to see. He misses Tooru a lot. A lot. He might force himself to Tooru if he got too needy to be noticed by the other man. He doesn't want the other man to be uncomfortable around him instead he wants Tooru to be comfortable at him once again.

"Suga. Are you eating well? You look.. pale." Sugawara frozes but he looks at Daichi and nods. "I am. eating properly." Daichi keeps staring at him. Sugawara wants to laugh at him since he is using the 'captain' look that he used to do to ground their kouhai when they are still in high school but then, his heavy heart doesn't allow him to do such thing. "You're loosing too much weight, suga." Sugawara takes the water beside him, engulfing it as he needsbneeds a distraction upon getting trapped by his bestfriend's statement. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me.. uh.. how's Tooru?"

With the mention of his name, Daichi's eyes soften. "He's doing fine. Last night when we came home. He froze in the genkan. We wonder if he remember something but then he just chuckled at us saying that our house looks awesome? Yeah. That." He looks at the silver haired's reaction but then sugawara just lowered his head, eating the mapo tofu in silence. 

"Suga. Don't you think that you should tell him about your relationship?" Sugawara shakes his head, still looking down. "That will mess his memories, Daichi." The said man sighs. "He will be confused Daichi. He clearly hates me right now. Have you seen the way he looks at me yesterday?" Daichi looks at the crying man in front of him. He offers water to the older as he said, "The medication messes his moods suga. You know that. Maybe he's moody because it." This time he completely saw the older's face as Sugawara the water, wiping his tear with the other hand as he drinks the water from the other.

"Daichi. What should i do? I.. it hurts to see him like that... I don't know what should i do with the idea that he doesn't know me.. that he forgets our memories... That he forgot me already." Daichi takes the tissue box from the corner of the table, handling it to his bestfriend.

Sugawara has been a pillar of strength. Not only for Tooru, to Daichi but for all of his friends.

He never cries in front of anyone since he is responsible of being the strength of everyone who's close to him. Seeing him like this, broke Daichi's heart.

"Remember when he said that he doesn't know you?" Sugawara looks at him as he wipes his tears, he nods with a frown evident on his face. "Then you should let him know who you are. Spend time with him. Be his friend again. Can you do that right? For his and your sake."

He expected the silence that he will receive to the other as he talks to him and as he tells his suggestion. He waits. He waited for suga patiently to decide for his own plans

With a heavy sigh, sugawara nodded. Daichi keeps looking at him, silent tears streaming from his face as he continued eating his supposed to be comfort food. Daichi let himself be drowned in the sound of his bestfriend sobbing. He will do his best to take care of his best friend and his lover no matter what it takes. 


	3. Chapter 3

"How does it goes?" Iwaizumi asked his lover when Oikawa already went to the guest room where he is temporarily staying. Daichi sighs as he offers iwaizumi the wet plate that he just washed. "He agreed into spending time with him. I hope he doesn't back out as Oikawa appears in front of him." Iwaizumi looks at his lover, putting down the plates that he wipes inside the cupboard.

"Don't worry. He won't. Suga wants to see Oikawa as much as we wants him to see that trashykawa."  
  


Oikawa was preparing the plates on the table, four, like what iwaizumi instructed him since a visitor is coming today. Even though iwaizumi won't tell him that, he knows by the foods that Iwa-chan is making. It's too many for the three of them to finish.

"I wonder how did Iwaizumi loves you this much. You're a dumbass Daichi." A familiar laugh rings into his ears, he stood froze in the table.

He- _that laugh_ \- it makes him feel things. He feels the string from his heart tingle as that laugh became louder as the person comes closer to them.

"They're here." His bestfriend mumbles, putting down the cooked food on the table, passing past a frozen Oikawa to greet the people coming inside the house.

"Welcome home." Iwaizumi said as he walks to the two, Oikawa follows iwaizumi, standing behind him and he watches Daichi smiles and proceeds to kiss his lover as a greeting. He saw the silver haired who peek behind the couple. Their eyes meet, Oikawa suddenly want to go to him and pulls him in his arms.

Hug..

Hug..

A memory flashes in his mind.

_"You're so needy, Tooru." He whines as he moves towards someone, "Ah~ stop watching already. I want a cuddle!" He heard a soft sigh from the other and some shuffle movements while him, watches that someone, patiently and after a while, he felt a pair of arms around him a white- no, a mop silver hair are scattered around his chest._

"Oi. Shittykawa. You're-" Again, he snapped with his thoughts when he noticed that Iwaizumi is gripping his shoulders, shaking him lightly. When he turn around, he saw the worried expression of the silver haired man- Suga and Daichi in front of him.

"Iwa-chan." He called his bestfriend and iwaizumi just looked at him, he acknowledged the anxious expression that he has seen once again from his face. He wants to ask. Seriously. He needs to ask.

"I think your noodles are already burning."

_But he didn't_

He saw the expression of his bestfriend turn from being anxious to a surprised one. "Oh shit." He murmured and runs to the kitchen to save the noodles that he has been boiling for a while. His gaze turns to the two who followed iwaizumi with their gaze. Daichi apparently walks at him, hand on his shoulder. Worried eyes are staring on his confused ones.

"Are you okay?" Daichi asked and he nods. He turns to the silver haired. His hair.. it tells him a lot.. but he's scared that he might be wrong. That maybe his mind is just making it for the sake of him not to be too annoyed with the guy.. that's what he read from the internet as well. _That amnesiacs like him are capable of having a false memories._

He's confused.. _Too confused_

Yet he doesn't want to ask anything.

"Daichi. Can you please help me here?" A call from the kitchen made Daichi pats the other's shoulder. "Ask if you need to ask. We're willing to answer every question that you have." Daichi said to him as he walks to the kitchen. The silver haired follows Daichi using his eyes. He seems _uncomfortable?_ He's begging Daichi with his eyes but he saw that Daichi just nodded at him.

_Why this guy is so fidgety around him? He sometimes wonder if he and suga had a good relationship from the past._

"Uh. Hello, _Tooru_ -" Sugawara started talking to the brunette as his bestfriend left him behind. He saw that his confused expression worsen with the usage of his first name. _Ah- what did i do- did he felt uncomfortable with that? Eh- I'm.. a stranger to him- i should refer him with his surname like the last time-_

"You refer me as Tooru. I wonder if we're close in the past" Sugawara let out a soft sigh and smiles at the other guy. He accepted it already. The need of building up a rapport once again. "Uh. Yes, we are."

 _His smile. It's beautiful._ He thought as he stares into sugawara but upon realising his thoughts, it quickly became annoyed to the other guy. _What am i thinking?_

This is why he hates- he dislikes Sugawara's presence around him eversince that he saw sugawara inside the room. His insides are telling him to hug the smaller. He doesn't know why. He knows he's not that kind of guy who just jump on people and hug them. That's why instead of hating himself for feeling like that. He just hate sugawara's presence for making him feel like this.

"Are you okay?" He heard worried tone from sugawara so he blinks and looks at the guy, examining his features. His gray hair looks so soft. His eyes are pretty too and the birthmark under his eye? He wants to lean down and kiss it-

See? That's why he hates his presence around. It makes him feel like he needs to kiss a stranger in front of him.

He nods to answer the question on the silver haired guy. "You can ask me something too if you need something to know." Tooru frowns. "Do you even know something about me?"

Tooru almost wants to cut his own tongue as he sees that a glint of hurt appeared on sugawara's eyes but it quickly faded as Sugawara smiles at him, saying. "As i said, we're close remember?"

and with that, sugawara walks to the kitchen to help the couple into preparing the food on the table, making him more confused about his identity.   
  


Oikawa expects that the dinner will be quiet but no, it's not. He saw how Daichi got bullied by both iwaizumi and Sugawara or how iwaizumi got bullied by the silver haired guy. He even helped sugawara from bullying him, receiving a smack on his head.

It was full of laughter. He didn't know that Sugawara who looks like an angel has that kind of attitude with his friends. He wonders if he is like that to Oikawa too.

After eating, Daichi went to the bathroom while sugawara and iwaizumi started washing the dishes and him is just wiping the table. It feels like that this thing has been a routine for the four of them. _It feels familiar._

His thoughts was interrupted with the soft gasp came from his bestfriend, he didn't turn around upon hearing it instead, he stays in his spot, listening to whatever conversation that might come from the two.

"Suga. You're bruising. Where did it came from?" _Bruising?_ He turns to iwaizumi who's now holding sugawara's arm, pulling up the long sleeves that he has been wearing on this day. He saw some dark but yellowish spots on his arms. "Who hurt you? Did something happened?" Sugawara looks nervous. He noticed that his grip on the sponge that he used for washing the dishes a while ago tighten, making the bubbles from the sponge spill on his hand.

"No no. I just bumped into something." Iwaizumi looks at him. The same look that makes Oikawa's knees shake. It's scary. Too serious but sugawara just shakes him off. "I bumped the furniture a lot when i was cleaning that house before i leave. It's nothing worst."

"Take care of yourself. Look. It's not just one and you're getting really thin and pale." Sugawara chuckles softly even though the other man is scolding him. "That's what Daichi told me too." With that, he pulls his arm, pulling down the sweater a bit and continued washing the dishes as if nothing happened.

He saw how iwaizumi looks at the other worriedly before he continue doing his part in the sink.

Something inside him became bothered with it. It seems like he knows something but in the same time, he doesn't. It's frustrating.

They proceed to watch a movie, a bowl of popcorn is on sugawara's arms, he is sitting comfortably on the carpet, legs are stretched as he stares right into the screen.

Tooru keeps looking at him, taking note of his features. He just noticed that the other is wearing a sweater. A baby blue sweater that looks too big on him. His body is too covered. The sleeves are covering even the tip of his fingers. He can just only see the fingers peeking from the sleeves when Sugawara picks up a popcorn to eat.

He looks away, it will be too strange for the other if he keeps staring at him. There's nothing special on him anyway. Why does he keep staring.

He sighs, focusing the attention to the movie that is playing on the television.  
  


"It's late already. I need to chase the last bus!" Sugawara said, standing up from the sofa, "I'll send him off." Daichi said and iwaizumi nodded, turning off the television who's playing the movie's movie credits

"Thank you for having me!" Sugawara waves his hand and Oikawa noticed that the silver haired guy is looking at him so he waves his hands back and he saw the smile from his face widened as he turns around to exit the house with Daichi.

He felt a nudge beside him and he looks at iwaizumi. "So what do you think of Sugawara?" Oikawa blinks as he leans to the sofa. "He's nice. I guess."

He doesn't tell iwaizumi that he is willing to know the other guy more.


	4. Chapter 4

"Here. Take this number. Make sure to call me if you get lost or something." Iwaizumi said as he slip the paper in Oikawa's coat's pocket. Oikawa whines at him. "What am i? A child? I can manage myself."

Iwaizumi just looked at him with a glare, "you are acting like one right now." Oikawa pouts at him, Iwaizumi pushes him out the door, screaming. "Be fast you, shittykawa!"

He closes the door immediately as he cannot hide how glad he was that Oikawa is already acting like _Oikawa_ these days. He didn't know that those annoying whines of his will clear his worries about his bestfriend's condition.

_At least everything is starting to be okay._

"Yes. Please come and get your phone next week. The damage is pretty big so it might take for a while" the technician said as he examines the phone with a broken screen right that is on his hands. Oikawa nodded. "Why don't you find another phone, Mr? Just incase that this phone wouldn't be able to be fixed again."

Oikawa looks at the broken phone. In fact, he himself, he doesn't know why he is still gripping on that phone. Maybe because his memories from the past are still there? That it might help him to regain his memories?

These days, Oikawa started to accept the fact that his memories has been erased from his mind. He told himself that he will make new memories to be taken care of but upon seeing that phone inside his bag that full of his stuffs, makes him curious what kind of person he is before. _Does he takes a lot of pictures? Did he travel a lot?_

"There is an important file in that phone.." he answers, eyes are still on the gadget and the technician nodded. "I will try to fix it for you."

Oikawa looks at the technician with a smile, saying. "Thank you."

When he walked out from the shop a familiar mop of silver hair came from his sight. Is that suga? He squints his eyes. god bless him for getting such a _goood_ eyesight but all he can see is the silver haired's hair.

Aside from the _gooood_ eyesight that he has. The silver haired's face is hiding under a white face mask so he cannot identify the man properly. Oh to have a nice eyesight will be great for him.

He subconsciously followed the man, keeping a nice distance between them so that he wouldn't get noticed by the smaller. He saw the man get inside of a small pharmacy in the middle of busy stores in the street. Since the pharmacy is too small for him to hide, he stays outside, observing the movements of the silver haired man. And upon seeing the familiar birthmark under the man's left eye. He already confirmed that it's really Sugawara.

He wants to leave already since he already confirmed his thoughts but then curiosity takes over him as he noticed that Sugawara is taking his time inside the store. He peeks inside once again and there he sees, the man on the counter, purchasing a countless of small boxes of _medicine? vitamins?_ \- he doesn't know- inside the store.

He keeps staring at the man for a while, wondering what is the purposes of boxes that he bought but he panicked when Sugawara suddenly turned around, with a plastic in his hand and started moving out from the store.

He walks away from the said pharmacy and with that, they separated ways. Oikawa walks to the station with tons of question on his mind. _The things that he bought, it is for him or what? It must be vitamins, right?_

_Ah. Why do i care about him anyways?_

The second time that he saw Sugawara that week is when he saw the man, leaning on the pole that is supporting the waiting shed of the bus stop. A scarf is covering his neck up to his mouth. The coldness of the winter is making his cheeks rosy. It's cute. To see him so small under the layers of clothes that he is wearing that day.

"Yo!" Sugawara greets with a great smile, eyes are turning crescent as he saw his friends approaching him. He walks to Daichi and a punch to his stomach as a greeting made Daichi wince in pain. He smiles. Sugawara looks pretty when he smiles like that. Unlike from the first time that he saw him in the hospital. He looks so sad, hurt and exhaustion is evident on his face, making Oikawa hate to leave even a glance on his face.

He felt a pain on his back as Iwaizumi hits his back, interrupting his thoughts about the silver haired man. Before he can even complain from the heavy hands of iwaizumi, the man drags him to the two and with that, they started talking about the plans on that day.

They went to different restaurants that day. That's where he learned that the other guy has a big stomach. His stomach hurts from eating too much from that day but seeing his friends happy to accompany him. He's feels too thankful to have them around.

This is the nth time that the four of them went out together. This time, they decided to go to an amusement park. The chilling weather makes him question his friends' choices. They should've lay under the thick covers of blanket at this kind of weather but no, Their energy is hitting up the roof and of course, he, Oikawa wouldn't let them to be more hyper than he is.

They ride countless of rides. They even ride a rollercoaster despite of the cold weather. Oikawa almost cannot feel his whole body due to the extreme ride and the coldness of the air. He saw his partner in the ride, having a same situation as him, it seems like the silver haired left his soul in his seat but then noticing Oikawa's reaction from the ride, Sugawara laughs at him, pulling his arms for him to cling to the taller.

Oikawa calmed down from the melodious laugh coming from the smaller. Sugawara feels so warm beside him, it makes him wants to pull Sugawara closer but in his dismay, the silver haired pulls away from him, His expression is unreadable but the blush on his cheeks due to the cold weather reddened.

He opens his mouth, wanting to ask why he pulled away- or why did he do that- Oikawa doesn't know, he just want to talk to him but then, before he can reach the smaller and call his name, Sugawara already run to the couple, disturbing the two with his teasing.

Oikawa feels hurt. He urge to be with him is stronger than before. He wants sugawara in his arms but then he's also confused about everything. Why does everything is like this? Too cruel for him that he even questions his own feelings. 

Sugawara is back beside him. He cannot do anything about it tho. Iwa and Daichi are pushing him to Oikawa, saying that he should talk to the other but then Sugawara knows that those two just doesn't want to be disturbed.

He sighs. He doesn't know if it's just him or the atmosphere is too awkward for the both them. No one tried to talk, Koushi wants to but he's too anxious that he might say something that will result the atmosphere to be too awkward.

Due to walking around, finding a spot in a crowded amusement park for a while now, Sugawara starting to feel the exhaustion in his body. He wants to sit down but he continues to walk, the distance between them is getting farther even though Oikawa is walking slowly in front of him.

A wave of dizziness messes his eyesight. He holds on something close to him to balance himself, which is the man Infront of him. "Tooru.. I'm tired." He tugs on the man's coat. Tooru turns to him, eyes are expressing a surprise that Sugawara tugs him closer, holding on his arm tightly as he can.

"Iwa-chan! Sawamura-san!" He called the two as he holds on Sugawara who's doing his best to make his knees work, he yawns. Tooru looks around, searching for a nearest bench to let sugawara seat. Good thing there is an empty one- not really empty.. the squad who is sitting on it started to stand up and walking away so Tooru locks his eyes on it since it's close from where they are standing.

"Can you still walk there?" He points at the bench and Sugawara nodded, walking to the bench tiredly. He looks at Sugawara as the silver haired leans on the bench, eyes are closed.

"What happened?" Oikawa heard iwaizumi asked while Daichi is checking on the silver haired. Sugawara is just nodding on whatever that Daichi is saying, answering yes and no occasionally.

"He said he's tired. I don't know. He looks like he's exhausted. Look. He's going to fall asleep at any moment.." Iwaizumi stares at Sugawara and blinks, confusion is what Oikawa saw in his face. "Sugawara's energy is something that never went down. Strange. Anyway. I'll buy foods. Lets take this time to eat for a while."

Daichi looks at his lover. "I'll go with you. Oikawa, Take care of him." He smiles gently and with that the two walks away from them. He doesn't know if it's just him or what but it seems like the two is pushing him to sugawara too much.

He sits beside sugawara and and he heard the other yawn. "Do you want to go home already?" He asks and Sugawara shakes his head, murmuring a "i just need to rest for a while." Tooru nodded and he stares at the people around them.

There are couples, families, a group of friends around. They are all having fun based on the expression of their faces. He wonders what people think when they look at him? Did he look happy as they are?

Another yawn comes out from the person beside him and he turns to sugawara, thinking the same thing. _What does Sugawara thinks of me?_ Sugawara stretches his arms, moving it around to wake his body up, he puts his arms in the air, stretching his fingers. Tooru follows the movement of his arms with his eyes and as Sugawara just let his arms in the air, closing and opening his fingers, Tooru notices something in his finger.

_A shining silver_. A _ring_ around his pretty finger.

The same ring that Tooru is wearing ever since he left the hospital. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited.


	5. Chapter 5

Oikawa is laying on his back, staring on the ceiling, a hand is up in the air, eyes on the silver ring that he is wearing. Ever since that they got home, the picture of the similar ring from sugawara's hand stays on his thoughts.

It's still kind of early though, he knows. They immediately came home after eating since Sugawara cannot gain his energy anymore. It was iwaizumi who accompanied the silver haired and Daichi with him as they went home.

He wants to ask something about Sugawara. It's one of the seldom moments that he and Daichi is alone but he doesn't know what's forbidding him to ask.

His pride? His ego? will be affected due to the fact that he leans on his friends so much? Or maybe that he wants to know it himself since ever since that he wake up, he is depending on the couple so he doesn't want to be a more burden than he is right now? He doesn't know.

He rolls over, and is now laying on his stomach. He buries his face on his pillow, groaning to himself due to the frustration.

He doesn't know. It's not like he _likes_ Sugawara to the point that he will assume this to himself but-

_Were they a couple?_

Look, Everytime that he gets too close to sugawa, it's either the man will flinch or he subconsciously moves closer to Tooru and when Tooru got too close to him when the adrenaline pumped too much and he wrapped his arms around sugawara, jumping or screaming at iwaizumi being mean to him, Sugawara will just hide under the scarf, ears reddened.

Or maybe they aren't a couple? It's just that, sugawara just like him-

A sudden thought of the blurred memory that he regain a while ago, the thought of a mop of silver hair on his chest and arms around him makes him feel giddy.

He messes his hair in frustration. Is that a real memory or a false one? But if it's a false one, why would he think about it? Why would his brain will create a domestic scenario in his brain? And if it's real, then why Sugawara or iwaizumi or even Daichi haven't said anything to him?

"Argh. Whatever." He groans once again, burying his face on the pillow, forcing himself to fall into a deep sleep where he dreamt about the silver haired in his arms.   
  


"It's not our decision to make, Hajime." Daichi frowns, leaning on the kitchen's counter, watching his lover to make a food for their breakfast. "My head hurts from seeing the both of them like that. Have you seen suga flinches on his touch? As if he will burn in Oikawa's touch? His look last time on the amusement park when he run to us. Have you seen those?"

Daichi sighs. He knows his lover got a point. Oikawa looks so carefree while the other is doing his best to be contented in Oikawa's presence around him and being too careful not to inconvenient Oikawa with his emotions.

 _"He's so close yet so far."_ Sugawara told him when we was the one who sends him off to the bus stop.

"But suga told us that he doesn't want to, remember?" Iwaizumi nodded in response, pouring the food in the bowl as he talked, "we wouldn't tell it to him though. We will just give him a clue about it plus, Don't you think it's also unfair to Tooru? I know the guy is still figuring out who Sugawara is to his life."

Daichi started moving, taking the plates from the cupboard, preparing it on the table as he sighs once again. "What's your plan, then?"  
  


"Where are we going?" Oikawa asked as he waits for the two on the sofa, Daichi looks restless, worried expression on his face. Oikawa frowns. What's happening?

"Daichi, you look dumb." Iwaizumi said and Daichi just frowns at him. "We're going at suga's house and check on him. You haven't went there, right?" Iwaizumi looks at him and Oikawa nodded. "Suga isn't replying on my messages." Daichi mumbles, staring at his phone.

"Then let's just surprise him. Maybe he's still sleeping." Daichi nodded as he walks to the genkan to wear his shoes. Iwaizumi looks at him, a small smile appeared on his face, "let's go, shittykawa?" Oikawa sighs at the nickname, nodding as they walks out from their house while Oikawa is worried on what he should be expecting for this day.   
  


"He's not answering.." Daichi said with a phone on his ears while iwaizumi is peeking in the door's peephole, pressing the doorbell in the same time. "I cannot see him as well."

They've been here, 30 minutes already passed by yet Sugawara hasn't responded to Iwaizumi and daichi's messages.

"Maybe he's outside?" He asks and the two didn't stopped doing what they are doing at the moment. "He will read my message immediately if he's out. Plus, it seems that his phone is turned off.. I don't know." Daichi said as he keeps pressing things on his phone.

Oikawa sighs, looking around. The hallway is quiet, their sighs and their occasional talks are the one who occupied the quiet hallway. He looks at the passcode door lock and then looking at the couple in front of him once again.

"Do you guys know what his passcode is?" The two turns to him as if he said a nicest idea. Oikawa sighs. He wonders if the two is too worried to think of that.

"Oh yeah... Daichi. Do you know what his passcode is?" Iwaizumi steps back from the door, tapping the digital door lock. His gaze turns to Daichi as the lights from the digital door lock lighten up

" _Their anniversary._ Try it. If not, Koushi's birthday. If not.. _his_ birthday." Daichi replies. _Their anniversary? His?_ Does Sugawara has a lover all this time? Why does the two didn't tell him about it.

He felt his heart clench at the thought as he watches iwaizumi punches some numbers in the lock and with the first time, the door unlocks, Daichi immediately went inside the house and he's being followed by the two.

When Oikawa went inside, he felt his senses calming down with the view of the unit. He feels home.. He blinks, as memories started to flood in his mind.

Every time he turn around.

_("Tooru! Look. The house looks so nice. We did well."_

_"I told you, I will give you a home that you wouldn't want to leave."_

_"Welcome home, Tooru")_

it seems like the every corner

_("Tooru. Stop playing around! You'll ruin the bread's texture"_

_"Look at me. Look at me"_

_"What- Tooru! Ah that's how you will play your game huh. Come here! Let me smudge this whipping cream on your face!")_

Has a memory to remember

_(_ _"You're so needy, Tooru." He whines as he moves towards someone, "Ah~ stop watching already. I want a cuddle!"_

_He heard a soft sigh from the other and some shuffle movements while him, watches that someone, patiently and after a while, he felt a pair of arms around him a white- no, a mop silver hair are scattered around his chest._

_Unlike the last time, the memory continued, the silver haired looks up at him, a beaming smile of an angel in his arms greeted him._

_"I love you, Tooru."_

_"I love you too, Kou-chan.")_

_"_ Koushi! Suga! Hey! Oh shit he's bleeding!" A shout from a certain room in the unit interrupted his thoughts.

He doesn't know what to feel.

He felt tears streaming from his face due to the memories that he regain. He sobs. He heard iwaizumi rushes to the other room without looking back at him. He wants to follow them but his knees are too weak to move.

_Should i feel relieved? Betrayed?_

He doesn't know.


	6. Chapter 6

When Daichi and iwaizumi went out from the room, they saw Oikawa is on the hall'sfloor, sitting down with his legs are on his chest, face buried on his knees, shaking.

Daichi is carrying the unconscious Sugawarain his arms. He was surprised on how light the silver haired is. When he saw the older in the room, unconscious and surrounded by medicines that he didn't know that Sugawara have, panic take over his body, checking his vitals and carrying the older out of the room.

He didn't expect to see Oikawa on the floor, having a mental meltdown right inside his former home.

"Daichi. Go now. You need to take him to the hospital as quickly as possible. The ambulance are already in their way. It will be faster if you bring him on the grounds now. I'll be taking care of Oikawa." Iwaizumi said to him, looking in his eyes as if he's telling him to calm down. Daichi takes a deep breath and nods, walking out from the room.

Iwaizumi, in the other hand, holds his bestfriend close to him. Tooru looks up at him, eyes are getting red due to the tears that he has been letting for a while.

"L-lets go. Suga- Kou-chan-" he sobs. "needs us there." He slowly stands up, he leans at the wall as he felt that his knees are still shaking. Iwaizumi is looking at him from below, "Are you sure? We cab stay here for a while. Daichi will take care of him.. I don't want you to be too overwhelmed by this event."

_"Iwa-chan. I am already overwhelmed. Lets go."_

They have been quiet after the doctor talked to the three of them. Sugawara is resting in his room already, he needed to be admitted and be tested for the few days- or it might be longer- they don't know.

All he knows is the news is completely take over of their minds.

_"Are you Sugawara Koushi's companions, right?" The two stands up while Tooru stays on the chair but looking at the doctor, anticipating for the next thing that he will say. The doctor looks at him back but quickly moves his eyes to the clipboard in his hands before announcing the news to the men Infront of him._

_"Sugawara-san's cancer cells are starting to multiply faster than it is." The doctor looks at the three but all he receives are shocked faces from them. Sugawara has been a regular patient from the hospital since it's the nearest from their apartment complex so the doctor knows the patient already. He expected another reaction from them but their faces tells him that it is the first time that they heard the news._

_"Mister," the doctor turns to Oikawa, oikawa looks at him back, blinks as he acknowledge the look from the doctor, "Aren't you Sugawara-san's companion? You're the one who accompanies him in his appointments, aren't you?" Oikawa opens his mouth but since he is too shocked to answer, he just closed it again. He heard Iwaizumi tell the doctor his situation._

_He stares at the wall in front of him. No wonder.. No wonder he feels like he knows something about what's happening to sugawara. No wonder he feels so intrigued about the man when he saw him in the pharmacy. No wonder why he felt so bothered upon seeing the bruises in his arm._

_He heard the doctor said an apology to the three of them as he looks at the clipboard again before looking at the men, "Sugawara-san has an Chronic myeloid leukemia." Oikawa felt his heart clench once again, he closes his eyes as he ready himself to whatever he doctor might say, "His, is in the Blastic stage already. The leukemia cells multiply and crowd out healthy blood cells and platelets." He heard some sighs from the two together some questions for the doctor but Oikawa didn't listen to it anymore._

_He doesn't know why but it feels like he is at fault in here_.

"Why?" His voice startled the two. He knows. Ever since they got in the hospital, oikawa doesn't opened his mouth to talk. The couple's attention in on him, waiting for Oikawa to continue.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why?" His gaze falls at the two, their eyes are full of sadness. They also look tired from the events of this they. The couple didn't know that their plan to get the two together again will just drown in a drain.

"Tell me, Iwa-chan, sawamura-san.. why? Why did you hide it from me? Why do i need to know it myself? Why?" Oikawa sobs, he covers his face with his palms, tears streaming on his face again.

"Answer me." His voice is muffled due to the palms that is covering his face. "Please." He continues. He heard Daichi let out a breath before talking.

"Suga wants to hide it from you. He said that telling it to you will confuse you more. He told me that he will tell you in the time that he feel that you are already ready so you wouldn't get too surprised."

He heard Iwaizumi beside him move, "but it seems like sugawara is the one who is not yet ready, Tooru. That's why i- we decided to interfere and this day, is already planned. Explanations are already ready but.. this happened. We didn't mean to let you know in this way."

Oikawa's cries became louder, frustration and sadness filled his voice, Iwaizumi moves towards him, gently pulling him in his arms, letting oikawa to let it all out. He cried. He cried to the point that he got tired of it anymore.

He feels useless. His lover is there, suffering on his own. The first meeting came into his mind, making him hate himself more. Sugawara has been alone all this time.

_He feels useless. He is useless._   
  
  


The last nurse came out from the room, telling them that they are already allowed to get inside and Sugawara is already awake. They nodded, thanking the nurse and Oikawa quickly went to the room, walking to the silverhaired who got shocked as Oikawa wraps his arms around him. The brunette buries his face on sugawara's neck.

He didn't get a time to react as he felt the tears wetting his shoulder. He moves his arms to hug Oikawa back, his hand caressing the brown locks

Behind him, Daichi and iwaizumi follows. They look at Oikawa sadly while Sugawara doesn't know what to react. What happened?Did he get too worried that's why he is acting like this?

He keeps caressing the brunette's hair as the said guy is still crying in his arms. He felt the hug tighten, Sugawara pats his back as a comfort.

_"Kou-chan.."_

Sugawara's hands stopped patting his back. Did i heard it right? Did he-

 _"Kou-chan.. Kou-chan.."_ Oikawa keeps repeating as he sobs in his arms and that's when Sugawara felt the tears on his own cheeks, he buries his face on Tooru's hair, mumbling a soft "Tooru" on his hair.

They stayed like that for a while, feeling the warmth of each other on their arms as quiet sobs filled the room.

**Author's Note:**

> hehe. I still haven't edited this one yet. Comments are very much appreciated. Thank you.


End file.
